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Judgment or Criticism


The three wise monkeys: See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil.


When do opinions, words spoken without thoughts become judgement or criticism? Maybe downright evil?

Let me tell you a story,  sometime ago all I needed was brightness surrounding me, I thought if I basque in light then all my darkness will be gone.

My family believes that dark colors perserve things, kitchen cabinets have to be dark mahagony, tables black marbles, couches of black leather and carpets of indistict dark browns or steel greys…. you get the picture my dear reader?

I decided to re-do my abode in white, white bookshelfs, white tables, white desk and white carpeting or rather off white with little pigmintation, my curtains were white sheer and framing it I bought a beautiful green material of green that reminded me of the forest in the springtime and  I made my curtains, with an overlay of sheer ruffles on the top edge imprinted with 3 d butterflies in every color possible.



 I had just finished redecorating when  my brother decided to stop by, I opend the door he looks, frowns and says:

“You have to get a runner for your rug! White! Who puts a white rugs in their entrance!?”

I got angry and said, “ Well I guess you have to take your shoes off! Or come the back way!” No sooner that those words were out I knew I had made a mistake.  My brother head of the family and a “know it all” took my words twisted them, revived them and spread them throughout the family like I had said an evil thing!!!

He told everyone I had kicked him out of the house, that he was not welcome any moore and  my whole family believing his words and shunned me ever since.  

My punishment was, no holidays to share with family, no birthdays, no visiting, no invitations,  not able to see his children and the warm of the family withdrawn and  I was left cold on an icy patch of dark winter nights since.


I know he had an accident when he was young and lost some hearing in one hear. Maybe he misheard, maybe he had issues and I was the scape-goat that day… but after months of such treatment I know it goes deeper and I am its victim of his anger.

Now… its way passed reconciliation, what do they say. ‘ Its not the words, but how they made you feel at that moment that will linger and be remember’.

He discusses my eating habits, my religious practices, my life outside my home and stems opinions, criticism and passes judgments, the gossip and malevolent words reach me and purposely injure and creates a wider circle of judgement into my life.

But enough is enough, I will go on, but he shall not be part of my searching for truth and motive no longer!  I will hold my head high and if they choose to believe such gossip about me, who am I to stop them!!!! 

The joke of it all is, when you go to his house he makes everyone take their shoes and coats in outer hallway so you do not bring the elements inside his home!

“Live a good honorable life. Then when you get older and think back you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.” ~ Dalai Lama



14 thoughts on “Judgment or Criticism”

  3. I applaud you for wanting to change and begin to learn how to LOVE you. You will learn in time many more things. I am so very proud of you! And if family chooses to punish you that is their choice. You stay high in Love, and do not allow anger or hurt entrance into your White Home. 🤗

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  4. Oh my….family can such pain in the arse!!! I recently was shunned by a close relatives for something I didn’t even realize I did until it was over, my sister was speaking to my sister in law and I yelled BYE into the phone as I walked into the store, well I didn’t think that cell phones amplify voices, must of been pretty loud, oops I tried to call them right back to apologize but they refused my calls. I stopped after 3x’s. In less than 2 days my brother wrote a scathing post on Facebook about me, something along the lines of being rude and crude…nice huh!! Well I wrote back an apology and he just got uglier with his words. So I walked away from them. Didn’t call them even though my sister in law was having a total hip replacement, didn’t comment on any of my brothers Facebook post. I am so sorry for your circumstance, but it the entire family shunned you, well then they don’t deserve your attention or love !! Like you, I didn’t mean to cause a tsunami !! In fact I tried to rectify it. All you can do is take care of you, you know you didn’t do anything wrong, do not give him a pass for taking out his anger on you. My brother and sister in law live right across the street from me. Before the came back to the desert she did call and try to make nice. I took the call, but kept the conversation very neutral and answered her questions and had nothing to add to the conversation, and still don’t. I have only been over to there home a couple times. They have been over here lots, trying to be nice and helpful. I can not live my life in scandal, for a better word. Like you, I strive for the light and balance we all need to be whole. You enjoy those beautiful curtains, bright butterflies and white carpet my friend, and yes I know lots of people who have white carpet and they don’t walk on it with shoes on either, and if you do so what its yours!!! Family can be so cruel, and perhaps without even realizing because they have alaways been judgmental and look for all the bad. Your brother may be the head of the family, but your the head of you house and life. No one gets to take that from you!! Breath deep, smile a lot and know your a wonderful person!!! Love all the bright colors in your home!! XXXxxNamaste

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  6. So sad to hear about such minor things causing huge rifts. It makes me think that there was more brewing in your brother’s mind than the color of the carpet. Some people simply have to have rain on other people’s joy. You get to choose, though. Keep an open heart and let love be your umbrella.

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